Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
