hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
