trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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