took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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