My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
