I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
