I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
And the cops told us we were all naked.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
