Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
a search helicopter?!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize