i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
