Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
