I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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