I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
