I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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