So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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