Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
