She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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