I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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