he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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