It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Is it penis luge time yet?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
