The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
