Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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