Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
