i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
