i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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