NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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