hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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