She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
