well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize