Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
