Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
