he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize