ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
