just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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