the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Randomize
