guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
