I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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