Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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