I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize