why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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