k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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