I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
