Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
