so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
