dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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