I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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