Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize