I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
