I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
