Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
