I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
