Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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