I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
