she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
