she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i now understand why vodka
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
