Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
