I want you more than these girls want KFC
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have fence marks all over my body
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
