just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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