so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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