And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
