I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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