UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
