how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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