Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Boobs are out for the taking
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize