I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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