So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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