At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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